Written by IainB
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Tuesday, 11 October 2011

image for Denuded nudes display needs new dudes
David Cameron had a concrete fig leaf placed over his privates

Vandals have destroyed hundreds of thousands of pounds worth of sculptures at the Liverpool Tate Modern.

"We're devastated," said Tate Head of Acquisitions, Pauline Quirk. "These were tasteful nudes created by Tracy Emin. What these bastards have done is beyond reproach. I'm Livid."

The twenty-four statues were lining the concourse, but overnight all two dozen statues have been given concrete clothes.

"The art work on the clothes is very good," said Quirk. "The one of Tony Blair has a very fashionable pair of dungarees, but that's not the point. We've not had the heart to tell Tracy, she might get a tad upset."

Not all the statues have been given a full set of clothing. The David Cameron, the centrepiece of Emin's display, had been given a small fig leaf.

"Presumably this is some kind of satirical statement by a disaffected artist," said Quirk. "Tracy had called this 'Her David', if she could see it now, she'd turn the lot of them into crazy paving with a sledgehammer."

With Tracy Emin due to come and see her display in just one week, the hunt is on for talented forgers to replace all of the statues with identical ones sans the added clothes.

Attempts have been made to remove the concrete overcoat on the statue of Frank Sinatra, but this resulted in the statue itself being destroyed.

"The statues are very delicate," Quirk bewailed. "Our restorers used the Sinatra nude as a test subject as he already looked pitted and ruined."

As a demonstration, Quirk used a chisel to remove David Hasslehoff's swimming trunks, only to take all of what the concrete was concealing.

Somewhere, the real Hoff winced in sudden pain. So it's not all bad news.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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