Written by Nick Hobbs
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Topics: travel, Ferry, shutdown, Dover

Tuesday, 27 September 2011

image for Chaos As Dover Port Closed For An Hour
Near disaster, a ferry biding it's time off-shore.

The gates to the shores of Great Britain were sensationally closed yesterday for over an hour, causing turmoil amongst incoming and outgoing travellers and throwing the transport system in to chaos - over a biro.

Port Authority employee Tony Weeks, 47, had only just finished his mid-morning coffee break at around 10am, when he was asked to fill in a time sheet.

Reaching for his favourite biro, he realised it was missing from it's usual top pocket spot in his jacket. Thinking nothing of it, Mr Weeks began patting his other pockets, in what transpired to be a fruitless effort.

Witnesses say he then walked back to the tea room, and hunted high and low, even bizarrely looking in the refrigerator. But his beloved pen was to be found nowhere. Feeling the dread rise, Mr Weeks hurriedly began searching his pockets again for the missing pen, but to no avail.

"He was like a man possessed," said witness Tepid O'Leary, who was travelling to France, "running to and fro, and sweating like a man on a murder charge!"

After ten or so frantic minutes, Weeks then made his way to the tannoy system and snatched the microphone from the operators hands. It was at this point he called a total shut down to the whole port. Nothing in, nothing out, until his pen was recovered.

"He started raving about how someone had obviously borrowed the pen and not given it back," continued Mr O'Leary, "then he ordered everyone to start looking for the biro. He said the sooner it was found, the sooner we could all get on our way!"

"He even offered an amnesty, saying that if anyone had stolen it, they could put it back on his desk in total anonymity and nothing more would be said."

With several ferries off shore having to sail around the bay a few times, in danger of running low on fuel and possibly not making it in to harbour before they sank, the search continued in earnest.

Luckily, disaster was finally averted when Mrs Weeks, wife of Mr Weeks, called her husband at around half past eleven to say he'd forgotten his lunch-box, and with it were his reading-glasses and biro.

Feeling red-faced and silly, Mr Weeks re-opened the port.

There is still a huge backlog of passengers, but officials say they should be cleared by a week Thursday.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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