Written by Nick Hobbs
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Topics: Death, Actors, Dwarfs

Monday, 26 September 2011

image for World's Tallest Dwarf Dies Aged 28
Dingwall and a fellow Oompa Loompa in Morpeth

Clarke B Dingwall, the worlds tallest recorded dwarf, died last night in a tragic accident.

Dingwall, 28, was last recorded at a height of 6'3", making him easily the tallest dwarf in the world, the next closest being Samuel N'gbab of Nigeria at a meager 5'9".

Dingwall lived a hectic, almost 'rock-star' life style, of drugs, women and booze, and was often embroiled in confrontations with other celebrities. His much publicized spat with fellow short-arse Ronnie Corbett, making front page news in Digbeth.

Beginning his life in the circus, the only way a freak really can scratch a living, Dingwall longed for more. Hoping for a life in television and film, he often took to auditioning for roles, but his dwarfism always stood in the way.

His acting career finally took off when he saved the Morpeth And District Ladies Survival Unit's production of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, garnering rave reviews for his performance as head Oompa-Loompa.

The theatre suffered severe flooding just days before the first night of the performance, ruining the first 16 rows of seating. The only way for the production to commence was for the audience to stand well back. This meant they could not see the Oompa Loompas dancing. That was until Dingwall stepped in, of course.

His extra height advantage meant the crowd could see perfectly, and everyone was happy.

Close friends, however, were unhappy with the change in attitude that appeared to take over with his new found fame.

"He turned in to a monster," said Monkey Jack, one of Dingwall's circus performing friends, "he was always shouting, and swearing. Demanding things. Bad things. He was uncontrollable, really."

Tragedy finally struck last night, after a heavy night out at popular dwarf hang-out 'The Low Room' in Barnstaple.

Leaving the club, Dingwall was said to be in high spirits, but things turned nasty very quickly. He is suspected of being under the influence of drugs and alcohol, but investigators are awaiting the findings of toxicology reports.

Arguing with his girlfriend Mindy Chang, popular hairy bikini-model, Dingwall walked straight in to the path of on-coming traffic. He was hit by several cars and died at the scene.

In a stroke of irony the car that killed Dingwall was an MG Midget.

He leaves behind a dog, two small rabbits and a £6,000 bar tab.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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