Lancashire - A right frickin' fracking mess has developed as energy industry midgets Wannabe Oil N Gas announced today the discovery of Europe's biggest subterranean gas field.
Company's optimism that 200 trillion cubic feet of shale gas is just waiting to be harvested from underneath Lancashire may, however, have to be put on hold amid fears the vast field 'is nothing more than a buried World War II consignment of Zyklon-B'.
Classified as a lethal nerve agent millions of canisters went missing during the 1940s after a container ship sank off Blackpool during a Nazi air raid.
Salvaging and then pumping the toxic fumes into customers' homes in the belief they could 'warm the cockles of proles' hearts' has been slammed by the UK Heating Council as a fascist ploy to resurrect a 'final solution' to the problem of pensioners' cold weather payments.
Commenting on the find a number of UK Red Tops said that drilling for gas is a well known cause of earthquakes, tremors, global warming and obesity among the working class.
"Besides, if anything went wrong during the extraction process it could potentially wipe out the entire Strictly Come Dancing TV show which is aired 'live' from Blackpool's famous Tower Ballroom," a Daily Smearer editorial warned this morning.
Bruce Forsyth is 104.