Written by Rebel Not Taken
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Brain, Cannibalism

Thursday, 22 September 2011

image for Acton Cannibal ate neighbour's brain
scrambled brain of Arthur Saveloy

Acton man Terry Scrote has turned himself in to the police and confessed to eating his neighbour's brain.

"I was Hank Marvin after getting legless in the Bush with Stan Snide so i necked the contents of Arthur Saveloy's skull" claimed the part time chef.

Scrote told PC Len Drivel that he had battered Arthur Saveloy to death after returning from a QPR game against Newcastle.

"We were all over the northern muppets but they mugged us off and hung on for a lucky draw" said the angry Scrote.

The Acton resident told plod that after going back to his flat he 'got high on tablets' whilst listening to Adam Faith records.

"Terry Nelham was Adam Faith's real name and we had Acton sown up in the 60's", boasted Terry Scrote."I nicked a decent blonde bird off him before he inherited all that money and bought flash clobber."

Terry the Cannibal made a culinary statement to the Old Bill giving details of the tasty gourmet meal he cooked with the ingredients of his victim's loaf.

"I marinaded Saveloy's grey matter in lemon juice and garlic, then pan fried it in extra virgin olive oil and scoffed it with a bottle of vintage Sancerre."

The suspect, who works part time in a greasy spoon in British West Acton, showed the same lack of remorse while spilling the beans to his regular diners.

"That nonce Saveloy had it coming after putting it all over the manor that i took ten years to finish my 6000 piece Linda Lusardi jigsaw puzzle."

But PC Drivel has dismissed Terry Scrote as a fantasist and has reassured concerned locals that the Acton man is talking bollocks.

"I just vardered Arthur Saveloy with my own minces down the bookies and he gave me a 'sure thing' for the 2.30 at Chepstow.

"Scrote has plenty of previous telling porkies to plod. The dunce came into the station last week and demanded a restraining order against a lapdancer who he claimed was stalking him. We have bundles of evidence that he is Radio Rental and have passed his file on to a Trick Cyclist" said PC Drivel.

Make Rebel Not Taken's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 2 multiplied by 2?

5 20 4 23

Go to top