Written by IainB
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Wednesday, 21 September 2011

image for The colour red to be banned in call centres
Worst colour for a phone

It will soon be against the law to wear the colour red whilst working in a call centre. Additionally, any red that is present in a call centre will have to be removed by the company running the call centre.

"It is important that we get this done quickly," said minister for Health and the Colour Green, Phil Hammond. "Even if the main company colour is red, such as Sandantear, or whatever they're called. All the red has to go."

The remarkable, and rather sudden, policy has come about as a direct result of the rampaging call centre worker in Gainsborough who destroyed fifty thousand pounds of equipment and injured three colleagues after another phone was slammed down on him, tipping him over the edge. An intensive study into the affair has concluded that there is nothing that can be done about the rudeness of people the call centre staff call, but if the room had been painted in a tranquil turquoise, it would have calmed Andrew Triumph.

"Andy just went berserk," said colleague Anna Triumph (no relation, but a lot of people in Gainsborough share a surname). "He threw his headset against Barbara's monitor. Shouted 'Sod the lot of them' and started kicking over tables until the police arrived and took him to the hospital."

Staff have attempted to discover how Andrew is, but got stuck in a loop, as they are also the call centre for that hospital.

"The predominant colour of the call centre Andrew was working at," said Hammond, "was red. Study after study has shown that this is an angry hot colour. Had the room been painted a light lilac, none of this tragedy would have happened."

Emergency legislation is being passed overnight that will force all call centres to adopt placid, tranquil and calming colour schemes from tomorrow.

It is not yet known what call centre staff will do on Red Nose Day.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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