Belfast - Born again IRA bastard Martin McGuinness is in a secret coalition deal to encourage an extraterrestrial lookalike to 'host' Queen Elizabeth when the current incumbent finally pops her clogs.
The solution means the feckless Provo Queen can carry on regardless for at least another 50 years without anybody noticing she might actually be dead.
Announcing the latest policy drive McGuinness said there's nothing to stop him having a tilt at the Presidency of Ireland either - because of the excellent whitewash job his old mucker Tony Blair did on the Criminal Records Bureau leading to the 1998 Good Friday Agreement.
This exonerated everybody who so much as lasciviously ogled a stick of Semtex which that kindly old Libyan oligarch Colonel Gaddafi donated to The Cause.
McGuinness became a Global Piss Process luminary soon after 1999 in a carefully choreographed New Labour dance of the seven veils.
His election strategy borrowed a well-worn Biblical metaphor about 'inflaming King Herod with incestuous desire' that successfully promoted Osama Bin Laden to the world's No 1 Most Undesirable slot.
'Salome' - the original Richard Strauss musical version of the Old Testament story was a smash hit in 1905 and a big fave with Adolf Hitler.
The barmy old Fuhrer went on to sire some of the world's most dreadful creatures including the current incumbent on the Throne of Albion.
Speaking to reporters about the new political campaign McGuinness said "WTF?" today.