Written by Morse
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Thursday, 15 September 2011

image for Man Replaces Missing Thumb with Big Toe Graft: Now Forced to Put a Sock on it!
Victim Prior to Operation to Keep his Thumb onnit!

A local man who lost his thumb during a heated scrum with his local council Rugby Team, is smiling once again as after a 26 month wait a controversial operation performed under the auspices of the NHS grafted his big toe on his hand to replace the missing digit!

The man, who can not be named due to Privacy Laws, and who now walks with a decided limp and definite tilt in his posture, was able to return to work as a shelf stacker in one of the realms largest discount super markets.

There has been , however, some unforeseen ill side affects resulting from the controversial experiment, much to the victim's chagrin as his return has caused a big stink!

Due to Health and Safety edicts the man must wear a sanitary sock covering his new "thumb" after EU officials visited the work site when complaints were registered by health food nuts in Bristol who threatened to burn the store to the ground unless measures were taken.

According to investigators complaints were received alleging the possibility of "Athletes Foot' being spread to the Brussels Sprouts, and unconfirmed reports of "Toe Jam" being discovered on the boxes of the ever popular water crackers.

There was no mention of "Mad Cow Disease", but health conscious customers said
"God knows what this man stepped in before he came to work...they should put a sign up for all employees that they must now wash their feet as well as their hands after using the loo....it's just common sense, innit?"

Other employees, mostly Christians, are not happy about the possibility of having to wash their feet after slipping out for a fag, or taking the piss.

Said Toddy Pitfall a Stella Stacker from Yeovil , "I mean, it's all right for them other buggers to be always washing their feet, the ones with camel toe and the prayer rugs behind the check out counter, but I mean, it's just not right that we're going to be made to toe the line because of one daft bugger who had his thumb bit off!"

Company execs said the new policy would go into effect as soon as they figure out how often Brussels will require them to change the water in the foot bath.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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