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Tuesday, 6 September 2011

Wales manager Gary Speed has outlined his determination to bring forward the inevitable embarrassment that awaits the England team at Euro 2012 by 9 months in defeating the Three Lions in this evenings qualifier at Wembley.

The former Leeds midfielder said his Wales team was coming to London to attack their hosts, rather than feebly presenting their collective orifice to their opponents as is the norm.

He told reporters, 'Contrary to widely held belief amongst the English, we aren't just coming to Wembley to take advantage of the extortionately priced array of pies on offer.'

'We are coming here to ram those pies right down the throat of our opponents, and hope that we can give our own repeated failures the happy gloss of inflicting a portion of this pain onto our hosts.'

'Sure, qualifying for the tournament itself is out of the question, but we have pride in everything we do.'

'Be it succumbing to minnows on a frequent basis or be it singing standards that belong at a rugby match rather than a footballing occasion.'

'But hey, we talk like drunken cavemen, so we're really not bothered what anyone thinks of us.'

England boss Fabio Capello said his squad we're ready for everything the Welsh team had to throw at them.

'Yes we have prepared long and hard for Gareth Bale.'

'Of course, he is just one man.'

'But it is my role as manager to make him out to be some super human character who can qualify for Euro 2012 single handedly.'

'He has more chance than Wales.'

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