Written by Moys Kenwood
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Thursday, 1 September 2011

image for Celtic Boss Neil Lennon Found 'Not Guilty' Of Being Assaulted
Lennon after fainting at the verdict

Celtic manager Neil Lennon has breathed a sigh of relief after a jury returned a 'not guilty' verdict in his trial at Edinburgh Sheriff Court.

Lennon had been accused of being assaulted by 26-year-old Hearts fan John Wilson, whose actions were said to have been aggravated by religious prejudice.

It was found, however, found that Wilson's words could not be proven beyond a reasonable doubt, and, therefore, Lennon escaped the stigma of having received the ugly, fat bastard Hearts fan's tirade on a purely sectarian basis.

The jury of seven men and eight women decided that Lennon was not gulty of having been the victim of religious attack, but guilty of the lesser charge of being verbally assaulted for being the ginger-haired, Fenian manager of Celtic Football Club, a charge he found it impossible to deny.

Said Lennon afterwards:

"It surely is a big relief to me and my family to know that this man encroached onto the playing surface, and came towards me that day out of personal hatred, rather than over religious differences. My family and I will sleep more soundly by knowing that."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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