It seems that the reports stating that you can't find an Arsenal fan for love nor money, anywhere on the streets of Britain today appear to be true.
For years now, Arsenal fans have been particularly vociferous about their team's achievements, crowing from rooftops, and plastered shamelessly all over the internet, spouting on about how superior they are.
Following their team's 8-2 mauling at Old Trafford, at the ruthless hand of Manchester United's young executioners, they all appear to have gone into hiding.
A bit like Gaddafi, Bin Laden, and Saddam.
Experts appear to agree that even the most ardent Gooner can't explain this one away, and that no amount of feeble excuses can paper over the fact that Arsenal got absolutely battered at Old Trafford.
So it appears they're all hiding, like Shelley Duvall hid from a rampaging Jack Nicholson in Stanley Kubrick's 'The Shining.'
Experts believe that many are hiding under the stairs, apart from the ones who live in flats - they'll be either behind the sofa, or huddled beneath the dining table. Early reports indicate that many are hiding under their beds, and refusing to come out, even at mealtimes.
Whatever the truth, it's an unusual state of affairs for the usually outspoken Gooner braggarts, unprecedented since the last time they got an Old Trafford mangling.
On that occasion, it was a mere 6-1 defeat that stunned them into silence.
Spotters have been seen roaming the streets of north London, taunting Gooners with cries of:
"Come out, come out, wherever you are!"
Like Jack Nicholson in 'The Shining' except most of them aren't carrying axes.
Wouldn't you just 8-2 be a Gooner today?
More as we get it.