Written by Monkey Woods
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Monday, 29 August 2011

image for Manchester United Boss Vows To "Tighten Up Defence"
Arsenal this morning

Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson was described as "livid" after his side's 8-2 humiliation of Arsenal at Old Trafford yesterday, and told fans he was determined to shore up United's leaky defence.

The Reds went top after their easy victory, but the Scot was unrepentant as he faced reporters, and told them:

"We were slipshod at the back, and that's a major disappointment for us. We'll have to do better, and tighten things up, if we're going to win the title."

Arsenal boss, Arsene Wenger, meanwhile, was pleased with his team's show of commitment despite being bundled over by their hosts. He said:

"We were merde!"

Ferguson, looking ashen-faced, concluded with:

"If we had been playing a good team, things would have been much different."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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