Written by Jeff Brone
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Topics: Baseball, spit

Saturday, 3 September 2011

Major league baseball players promised to do more spitting as the season draws to a close.

League spokesman Dirk Ritley said that with the approaching playoff season, fans expect the players' spitting to reach a peak as well. He stated "People thought that with less players chewing tobacco we would have less spitting in general. Wrong! Players have found new things to spit, almost effortlessly."

Major league players have an almost endless array of spitables, including pumpkin seeds, pumpkin seed shells, sunflower seed hulls, small bits of bones, uncooked macaroni, marbles, small nails, seashells and really tiny baseball bats.

"That last one took some doing, but a rookie with the Oakland A's did it last week." said Ritley. He promised "It's going to be a great playoff season. Next to playing ball, and grabbing their packages, spitting is what the players do best."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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