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Friday, 26 August 2011

image for Arsenal Fans Hit Back At Nasri And Fabregas Jibes
Oh To Be A Gunner

Arsenal fans were up in arms today, as former Gunners, Samir Nasri and Cesc Fabregas attributed part of their reason for parting company with the North London club was a lack of atmosphere and enthusiasm from the fans at the Emirates Stadium.

"It was like playing in a funeral parlour," Nasri allegedly told friends.

Nasri openly stated that he wanted to play at a club like Manchester City, where the fans get all fired up about every little thing - like not winning a trophy for 35 years.

"It makes for a great atmosphere," he reportedly told an associate. "And with some of the people we've brought in, it's a bit like Arsenal - but with much bigger bollocks."

Fabregas tended to agree with Nasri's diagnosis, following his switch to hometown club, Barcelona, opining to an associate, that: "The Emirates is a bit crap really, compared to the Nou Camp, or even compared to Tottenham and Liverpool. Come to think about it, Aldershot is a more exciting experience than The Emirates. But what can you expect from a club that sells veggie burgers with rocket salad, dressed in balsamic vinegar at half time? And mascarpone and shallot pies with a nice bechamel sauce and a refreshing glass of chilled Chablis for fifty quid a pop? You're hardly likely to tempt your mental Cockney gobshite in at those prices, when they can just set Tottenham High Road ablaze and nick it all for fuck all."

Furious Arsenal fans, congregating in The Buffalo's Nuts Bar, formerly known as The Fabulous Cock's Tavern, close to Highbury And Islington tube station hit back at their former idols with undiluted venom.

"Fabregas is fackin' barkin mate," Gunners fan, Bill Nicholson raged. "I've been to the Nou Camp mate, and it's shit, innit. Fair play, it looks impressive, but them Catalan tossers politely applauds when they scores. They don't go fackin' mental like wot we used to do on the North Bank, and up the Clock End. Course, I don't go up the Arse much any more - can't afford it since the wife 'ad 'er op. I goes dahn Millwall, and over West Ham. It's the likes o' Nasri and Fabregas wot dunnit. Ruined the game for the common 'ooligan, they 'ave. Fackin' merchant bankers, the pair of 'em."

Arsenal fans were united in their condemnation of Nasri's move to Manchester City. Lifelong Gunner, Daniel Blanchflower made no secret of his feelings:

"Gorn up North for the atmosphere? That's a load of Betty's if ever I lemon curd it. E's gorn for the dosh mate. Simple as. Fackin' ferret wranglin' flat cap wearin' Hovis juggling Norvern wannabe J arfur Ranker."

Arsenal play Manchester United on Sunday.

There will probably be more on this, as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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