Written by Rebel Not Taken
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Monday, 22 August 2011

image for Toffee nosed QPR chew over Scouse Toffees
Twitter stomach bug hits QPR

Everton fans were left fuming after the Toffees were turned over by a makeshift QPR side at Goodison Park on saturday.

Charlie Scally, writing in the Scouse Echo, called QPR "a bag of shite" and claimed they were lucky to beat Everton.

"QPR are a bunch of poncey cockney millionaires" said Scally in his match report.

But the Shepherd's Bush boys had to go into battle with reinforcements after several of their stars contracted a debilitating virus from being on Twitter.

New recruits DJ 'The real DJ' Campbell and Jay 'Jay' Bothroyd were unable to lead the attack after being laid low by a Twitter bug.

"Me and DJ were on the toilet all night" tweeted Jaybothroyd9 to 41,753 followers on Twitter.

Despite these setbacks, QPR manager Neil Warnock saw his team dish out true Tommy Spirit when Wing Commander Tommy 'Tommy' Smith scored the only goal of the game after a neat interchange on the edge of the Toffees box with Hungarian flying ace Akos 'Buz' Buzsaky.

QPR then mounted a backs to the wall tactical retreat with Private Sean Derry marshalling the troops from his bunker in front of the last line of defence.

"Derry was a free transfer from Dad's Army, he should be riding round on a mobility scooter" claimed the bitter Everton journalist.

The mercurial Moroccan Adel Taarabt had to withstand a barrage of food related criticism from Everton fans after low life Liverpool career criminal Terry Snide bellowed "who eat all the pies" as the born again West Londoner repeatedly spit roasted the Everton defence.

But the disciplined and battling Taarabt displayed courage beyond the line of duty after also being bent double by the Twitter bug.

The brave Moroccan is in the middle of his annual Ramadhan fast so it is testament to his fitness levels that he didn't suffer the same rapid weight loss as the other Twitter virus victims.

In fact Taarabt seems to have put on a stone, which could be down to his regular stints training with French Foreign Legion troops in the Sahara Desert Boot Camp.

"I will show fans how really hungry i am" said Adel Taarabt in the press conference after QPR's emphatic 1-0 victory over Everton.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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