Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 22 August 2011

image for Dallas Cowboys Owner Jerry Jones Blames Their 20-7 Loss To The San Diego Chargers on The Cowboys Cheerleaders
Jerry Jones will find out which Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders were using their cell phones during the game.

DALLAS - The owner of the Dallas Cowboys Jerry Jones has promised all of the Cowboys season ticket holders that the team will win more games this season than they did last year or else he'll gladly refund their money no questions asked.

The Cowboys were beaten by the San Diego Chargers 20-7 in a pre-season game. The teams 2010-2011 season record was 6-10. Jones said that five of those games could have been won by the Cowboys if they had not fumbled, been intercepted, or allowed the other team to score.

Jones was asked by Tango Brisket of Sports Territory Magazine if he blamed his preseason defeat to the San Diego Chargers on quarterback Tony Romo who threw an interception. Jones replied that he didn't.

He was then asked if he blamed Lonyae Miller and Stephen McGee who each had a fumble. And again the Dallas team owner remarked that he did not.

Brisket then asked Jones to state his reason why he felt his team had lost. Jones put down his bottle of Corona Light, rolled his eyes, and said that he put the full and complete blame for the loss on the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders.

Brisket looked at him in disbelief, "The Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders? Jerry are you serious?"

Jones looked him in the eye and asked, "Did you see my lips move Mr. Brisket?"

"Why, yes sir, I did" came the reply from the reporter.

"Well then I did not stutter, garble my words, or mispronounce a damn thing now did I Mr. Brisket?"

"Why, no sir, you sure did not."

Jones then looked out down at the playing field and shaking his head stated that the reason he is putting the blame on the cheerleaders is because he noticed that during the game at least half a dozen of the girls instead of cheering were either talking on their cell phone, or texting on their cell phone, or playing some kind of friggin game on their cell phone.

The Cowboys owner said that he will attain the phone records of all of the cheerleaders and any of them who were on the phone during the game will be fired immediately.

He added that he had the same problem last year and he made it clear to Becky "Sis Boom Bah" Snillyguster, the director of the cheerleading squad that he did not want to see any of the girls with cell phones during the games.

Ms. Snillyguster was told in no uncertain terms that if the girls are on the phone then they cannot be cheering and doing their high leg kicks, and showing off their cute little tight asses in those itsy bitsy, spandex, micro-short shorts.

Jones has instructed Snillyguster to have all the girls meet at the cheerleaders dressing room with him at noon on Monday. He said that at that time he will have the phone records with him and he will instruct her which of the cheerleaders can turn in their cheerleader outfits, white boots, and pom poms and get the hell off of the Dallas Cowboy property.

SIDENOTE: Tango Brisket stated that he has never seen Jerry Jones angrier than he was after the game while he was talking about the cheerleaders. He has said that he will see to it that any of the girls who he fires and who work in Dallas County will also be fired from their regular jobs and none of them will ever work in Dallas County again.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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