Written by Rebel Not Taken

Print this

Tuesday, 16 August 2011

image for Jimmy Bullard trades in Hull wet fish for QPR caviar
20,000 squid a week.

Word on the streets is that wantaway diamond geezer Jimmy Bullard is looking to trade in the wet fish of Hull for a diet of caviar with glamour club QPR.

Jimmy Bullard was last seen casting his line in London after calling Hull "a minging dump."

Cockney rascal Jimmy Bullard, who is trousering £45,000 a week at the Yorkshire club, has been told to 'sling his hook' by Hull bosses after other players called him "a big time Charlie" on a pre season tour of Slovenia.

Loyal Hull supporter Eric Spratt has revealed to other fans on the East Riding Messageboard that troublemaker Jimmy Bullard "drinks like a fish" and has "reeled in shoals of slappers in his hotel room."

But Bullard's agent Billy Pikey claims Jimmy is just a keen angler who has been "stitched up like a kipper" and has been given his P45 for rightly criticising the quality of Hull fish:
"He caught a few things in Hull but none of them from the sea!" said Pikey.

QPR manager Neil Warnock is scheming to get Jimmy off his Hull hook by offering a bait of 20,000 squid a week and has held talks with the midfield playmaker at the Koksifilis Fish Bar in the Goldhawk Road.

Warnock has said "Jimmy is a smashing lad and not the little maggot that people make him out to be."

It is well known that QPR fans have a soft spot for lovable rogues and haven't had a really naughty one since gambling, drinking and womanising legend 'Stan The Man' Bowles strutted his stuff.

Long time Ranger's supporter Doris Snapper from White City, 88, has admitted: "I love having a bad boy playing in the Bush."

But Hull fans will be glad to see the back of 'slippery' Jimmy Bullard: "If Bullard joins QPR they will get battered every week" said retired trawlerman Arthur Halibut.

Make Rebel Not Taken's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 5 multiplied by 5?

5 1 25 16
60 readers are online right now!

Go to top