Written by Morse
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Friday, 5 August 2011

image for "I've Got a Brand New Bag!" Caddy Williams Carries Scott to 6 Shot Lead over Tiger in Debut!
Just a few of Adam Scott's New Fans Waiting for Autographs!

Australian golfer Adam Scott, teamed with former Tiger Woods caddie New Zealander Stevie Williams, set a new course record for the opening round at Firestone Country Club leaving Woods in the dust!

Williams, who caddied for Woods during his 6 victories in 7 tries at the Firestone, showed why he was a major reason for Tiger's past successes before the former star's errant swinging off the course caused his meltdown.

Woods severed relations with Williams after 12 years saying only "hey, sometimes you get bored and want a new face carrying your bag, besides this time I didn't have to pay alimony!"

Said Scott, "not only does Stevie know the course inside out, he's also a great social director off the course. He has a list of phone numbers that would even make Warren Beatty jealous!"

"As you're coming down the back nine it's nice to know that if you can just play your best for the next 2 hours Stevie will have something quite exciting and relaxing lined up for you after the round!"

Scott turned it on in the home stretch, carding birdies on the last 4 of 6 holes finishing with a 62, 8 under, 1 shot in the lead and 6 ahead of a lagging Woods.

"I was totally relaxed before the round too, " said a smiling Scott, "Stevie took me to a Pancake House for breakfast and he ordered Tiger's favorite breakfast for me, two over easy served up with buttered cinnamon buns...the best part was he said we could do this everyday as long as he was caddying for me! Now, I can't wait for dinner!"

No question Williams is the answer to Scotts improved game. The Aussie looked jaunty, confident, relaxed and in charge as he conquered the course on the first day of the tournament.

Said Williams, "this guy has it all, he's young, he's got talent, and the girls love his accent.
If he's got the stamina he can go all the way. If he starts to fail in the stretch, well, I've got a little blue pill for that too...hey, I'm off, got to make a few calls and line up a dinner
buffet!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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