It would seem that the Premier league sidelines will be a safer place next season. Arsenal's "mad professor" manager Arsene Wenger has today revealed the punishment imposed on him by the Premier League following a season of touchline insanities. In a sombre press conference Wenger explained that he would be forced to spend the whole of next seasons matches in a rectangular glass box on the sidelines. He will only be let out the box and allowed out to speak to his team at half time in the safety of the locker room.
Wenger described how he would be allowed to keep water bottles, a pen and paper and a comb in the box with him. Spoof.com understands that the box is completely sound proofed meaning that it will be impossible for Wenger to communicate with any of his players during the match. It is understood that Wenger is taking a crash course in sign language in preparation for the new season.
The innovative and bold solution has been thought up by the Premier League in order to keep fans sitting close to Mr Wenger safe from his dangerous and erratic behaviour. Wenger himself admitted back in May that it may be time to seek help after a series of unforgivable incidents which saw him throwing expensive water bottles, shouting in the faces of respectable officials and even taking off his tie.
Once famous illusionist David Blaine was said to be angry at the prospect of Mr Wenger gaining such publicity. "I did it for 7 days with no food or water and this guys complaining? What a chump!" Wenger was said to be mildly irritated by the comments.