Written by MonkeyInTheBath
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Wednesday, 27 July 2011

image for London 2012 Olympics countdown continues
Ducky, the mascot for the London Olympics - fairground "hook a duck" is now an official Olympic sport

Today it is 366 days until it begins. Tomorrow it will be 365 days, and after that comes 364 days. It's the London Olympics of course!

Most of the building work and preparation is well on schedule. The enormous darts hall has been completed already, including fitted bar pumps in every room. Next door the shove ha'penny arena is also due to finish soon.

The reasons for the good time-keeping is simple, says building coordinator Moriarty Snide, twirling his handlebar moustache. "We made a very generous estimate, and pocketed the difference. Also we used cheap Polish labour. These buildings only need to last three weeks, and that's exactly how long they will last."

The Olympics was meant to provide a legacy for East London, but it looks like it may provide an enormous hangover. Not only that, but serious indigestion. The "cycling while eating a jellied eel pie" velodrome has already been lubricated with lard, and locals have been caught sneaking in to lick its low-friction super-fast surface.

Other arenas which may not provide a lasting legacy to the area include; the thumb-wrestling colosseum which is made entirely out of Wotsits; the rock-paper-scissors stadium, whose seats are so far away from the action that it will only be watchable by television; and the pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey hippodrome, which was mistakenly made inflatable.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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