LOS ANGELES - Charlie Sheen, the man who threw away the number one comedy show in America (Two and A Half Men) and who recently lost both of his goddesses along with lots of common sense brain cells [double negative alert!] cannot stand not to be in the limelight.
After ranting and raving on for weeks and weeks and then taking his rants and raves on the road he now realizes that there really aren't a whole lot of people who give a rat's ass what Charlie "The Space Cadet" does or says.
Goodness, anyone who would throw away a salary of $1.8 million per show (per week) just because he wanted to get into a pissing contest with the owners of the show is not going to be inundated with individuals who want to be around him.
And the sad part about the whole thing is that Carlitos did not have to hit a baseball over a fence, or slam dunk a basketball, or carry a football over a goal line.
All the boy had to do was to recite his lines as his Malibu Beach character Charlie Harper who had actually morphed into Charlie Sheen - so what the hell could have been easier than that?
Oh and he could actually drink on the job. Now who in America gets to do that other than Piers Morgan but he's from England and thusly he is not really subject to America's workplace laws, regulations, rules, and policies which prohibit drinking on the job.
Charlie Sheen is an individual who has to be in the spotlight all of the time. And if there is no spotlight near him, he will drive to wherever the nearest spotlight is.
And today that spotlight shines on Dodger Stadium. It is no secret that the El Lay Dodgers are in a horribly financial state, (no pun intended).
In fact, the organization is in such a mess that the stadium concession stands are actually starting to sell hot dogs without the wieners. Yes, it's true.
Now most fans do notice right away, even before they take the first bite that the wiener is missing but strangely enough some do not.
And those people are called little bitty kids and little bitty old, old people. Some fans do not realize that their hot dog is wienerless until they have returned to their seat and then it is just much too far (and too hot) to go back and report the missing wiener.
Reports are that this little hot dog ploy is saving the Dodgers organization at least $3,000 per game.
So it is official that Charlie Sheen has decided that he wants to become a Major League Baseball owner. He has, after all, appeared in several baseball movies including Major League, Major League II, and Major League III: Okay Who The Hell Put Tabasco Sauce In My Crotch Cup?.
The only hold up is that Charlie is kind of short of the $800 million price tag. So what he has done is he has contacted some of his old rich friends about either lending him the money or becoming part owners.
The first person Sheen talked to was Jon Cryer, his ex-co-star who quickly told him to go to hell and to take Glenn Beck with him.
He then talked to Jay Leno who told him that all of is money is tied up in his 983 old restored vintage cars. He then spoke with Ryan Seacrest, who is pegged to be he next Dick Clark, and Ryan's girlfriend Julianne Hough, of Dancing With The Stars fame said that Ryan will not give or lend the Space Cadet one thin dime.
Charlie next called up his long time friend Gary Busey. Gary went on and on about the solar system and about how stupid looking Donald Trump's hair looks, and how much of a crybaby Meatloaf is, and how silly John Rich's black cowboy hat looks up close.
So Charlie decided to call up his friend Mark Cuban, who is the billionaire owner of the NBA World Champion Dallas Mavericks. Mark politely listened to Charlie's speech and then remarked, "Dude come on back down to Earth. If I want to buy the damn Dodgers I can buy them and I certainly don't need no pissant batboy like you getting involved."
Sheen paused for a moment and then asked, "So I guess that's a no Mr. Cuban sir?"
Cuban chuckled and responded by saying, "Well to be honest with you Tiger Blood Boy, I guess that it's really more like a hell no!"