Written by Rebel Not Taken
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Sunday, 24 July 2011

image for QPR bid for cut price Crouch
Crouchie's feet.

QPR boss Neil Warnock is hoping to do a cut price deal with Harry Redknapp for Tottenham's lanky striker Peter Crouch.

But while the skint Premier League new boys are unable to stump up a transfer fee, they could pay a significant proportion of the England hitman's £75,000-a-week wages in a loan agreement.

QPR boss Bernie Ecclestone 5'2", who has enforced a £25,000 a week wage cap at the West London club, has instructed manager Neil Warnock to bid for only one third of Peter Crouch:

"Bernie hopes to get Crouch's head and feet on a one season loan but we can not afford the rest of him" said Neil Warnock.

Peter Crouch, 6'7", who lives in a very tall house in Weybridge, is keen on the move, but his wife, lingerie model Abbey Clancy, is holding the deal up:

"I don' t want Peter's limp torso hanging round the house all day while his head and feet are training " said the blonde Abbey.

Harry Redknapp has told Neil Warnock that they are not prepared to cut Crouch down to 2'2" and only loan one third of him:

"Peter is a lovely lad and we would like to do a deal for at least half of him." said 'Arry

An insider at QPR, Italian waiter Gianni, claims that the bosses at the newly promoted club have used Mafia connections to make Abbey Clancy 'an offer she can't refuse'.

Rumours are going around Shepherd's Bush that Flavio Porko met Crouch's missus at the Koksifilis Kebab bar in the Goldhawk Road and told her that if she didn't agree to the cut price Crouch deal she would wake up in the morning with a horse's head in her bed.

But, according to an 'insider' on the Loft For Words Forum, Flavio is rumoured to have told Bernie:

"She said she wakes up every morning with a horse's head in her bed anyway and told me to 'do one'. She is demanding 5 grand in cash for a third of Peter Crouch or 25% of the club."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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