Written by Skoob1999
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Sunday, 17 July 2011

image for Irish Fella Lumps Ball Around Kent Field With A Stick And Wins A Claret Jug
Hit The Fucker With The Stick, And Then Wash Your Balls In The Sink. But Don't Let The Wife Catch You

A Northern Irish fella named Darren Clarke was celebrating this evening after lumping a little white ball around a field in Sandwich, Kent, and knocking the little white ball down some holes, using a variety of longish sticks.

With bits of metal on the end.

Having walked about for a bit, along with a bunch of other blokes, who were also twatting little balls with big sticks, and knocking them down what appeared to be rabbit holes with flags stuck in them, Clarke was presented with a silver claret jug.

Which was a bit odd, to say the least.

Is silver claret a colour? Or two colours? Or a silver jug you can keep claret in, or a claret jug you can put silver in?

Nobody seems to really know.

But a lot of people seemed to enjoy it.

The field in question, was close to the village of Sandwich, which was named after two slices of Hovis and a sliver of pork luncheon meat.

Sports fans should ignore rumours that the sandwich was invented by John Montagu, the Fourth Earl of Sandwich, as he puzzled out what to do with two slices of bread and a slice of spam.

That's just an urban myth.

The sandwich was actually invented by Jacob Butty, a Cumbrian sheep farmer from Kendal, who patented the "butty" in 1716, years before the Montagu chap.

Anyway, the Irish fella seemed to have a good time lumping that little white ball around, celebrating with his silver claret jug and a pint of the Liffey water.

Meanwhile, in the Ardoyne...

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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