The NBA has just received news that LeBron James, from the Miami Heat, has already left the NBA and is now playing for a local basketball league that was formally reserved for 12 year olds.
The event actually occurred on July 1st at the onset of the NBA lockout. Apparently, none of the news outlets thought much of it, seeing that LeBron James' words no longer hold any credence.
The overwhelming reaction from the NBA was of shock, disbelief and sadness at the realization of losing such a marquee player of astounding importance and standing. The mood of all the NBA players can be summed up with the unified comment of:
"Who the fuck cares!"
No one was more disheartened at the loss of LeBron James' than the owner of the Miami Heat who displayed his disillusionment at the news of his loss by jumping up in the air and clicking his heals screaming:
"He's gone! He's gone! Whoohoo! Whoohooo!"
Hopefully the owner will hire himself a really good therapist to help him properly deal with this most difficult revelation.
The city of Cleveland has been hit exceptionally hard with the news. The city had been preparing for quite some time organizing a "special" event for LeBron's next appearance in the city. Unfortunately, the description of the magnanimous event cannot be written here, seeing that there are no words that can truly describe it, more or less be allowed to be printed in this paper.
If we could print it, everyone would clearly understand Cleveland's committed love and admiration for the greatest player to ever play basketball at any level in the history of basketball.
When we interviewed the commissioner of the 12 year old league, The Desperate Despots, he told us:
"Hey, this is LeBron James. I mean, sure the league was initially made for just 12 year olds, but hey, who the hell is going to pay good money to see a bunch of potty mouth kids bounce a basketball off each others' heads. LeBron sells tickets and puts fannies in the seats. Money talks, potty mouths brats... Umm... Well, let's just leave it at money talks. For Christ sake, I have kids to feed!"
LeBron's agent was asked about the move and told us:
"LeBron has grown up. He has learned so much from his defeat at the hands of the Dallas Mavericks who successfully defended him time after time with much shorter players who possessed lesser athletic skills as well as smaller portfolios, than himself. These are players that LeBron, knows, are just three years away from ending up in retirement homes playing shuffleboard. Playing in this league should give him the knowledge to succeed in his goal to win a championship, which he has not experienced since high school".
When interviewed, LeBron responded:
"The NBA is so passé, it is beneath me. Honestly, the players are a bunch of overachieving non-egotistical half wits. They have no clue to what pure basketball is all about. I'm the only one who knows that".
"The best part about playing in this superior league is that coach takes us all out to Burger King after each win. This allows me to add another crown to my collection."