Written by Michael Balton
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Thursday, 14 July 2011

image for Yankees' Jeter to skip regular season games as well

The Bronx - Coming off his successful snubbing of Major League Baseball's All-Star Game, Yankees' shortstop Derek Jeter has announced he will not show up for anymore regular-season games this year.

"The All-Star game gave me a chance to test out a strategy I call Don't Play/Don't Ask," Jeter said at a recent press conference. "I discovered that if you don't show up, you don't have to hear any criticism or answer any stupid questions. You can just sit back and enjoy the game on TV."

The Yankee shortstop went on to point out that it would be difficult to top the drama and excitement of his 3,000th hit, a feat he achieved just days before the All-Star break.

In fact, Jeter made a point of thanking the fan who caught the home run ball, which represented his 3000th hit. "I make more money in a month than that guy will make in a lifetime. Yet he didn't ask me for a dime. We Yankees have a word for that. Unfortunately, you reporters cannot print it."

As to his Don't Play/Don't Ask policy, Jeter said he plans to use the rest of the season to decide whether or not to participate in any playoff games that the Yankees might be involved in. "My decision will be a day-to-day thing," the shortstop noted. "I'll keep you posted."

Jeter made it clear that he would play in any World Series games. "Even though I'm only making $15 million this year, after a $6 million pay cut, I believe it's in the best interest of the game for me to show up at the World Series. See you in October."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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