Didier Drogba has "got the hump" with Chelsea and has has told manager Andre Villas-Boas that he needs to join a club where footballers "speak proper."
The Ivory Coast International has demanded a move to Tottenham and wants to be coached in Cockney by Harry Redknapp.
Linguistically frustrated Drogba, who has played for Italian, Dutch and Portuguese managers at Stamford Bridge, is desperate for more opportunities to practice his rabbit.
Chelsea captain John Terry, who is almost fluent in English, articulated Drogba's problem: "Most of our foreign players are cunnilingual. There's only me and Ashley what speak proper."
Harry Redknapp, who narrowly avoided having to schlep round Europe next season, has done a "tasty bit of business" in bringing Drogba down the Lane: "Me and Daniel Levy have got a right result. We have signed Didier Dogma buckshee" he told David Yom Kipper of The Jewish Chronicle.
A delighted Drogba told Terry Nonce, editor of Tottenham fanzine 'Up The Yids': "I am over the moon to be earholing Harry."
Redknapp's agent Bill Mee claims the Drogba deal is 'The Dog's': "Harry will palm off Didier with a load of old fanny in exchange for the big lump banging in 20 goals a season" he assured Spurs' fans.
Drogba is looking forward to the Cockney training sessions and is confident he will be speaking in riddles by the end of the season.
Bookmaker Manny 'Rough' Diamond is offering punters top dollar odds for Drogba to be the Denis Wise of Africa.
"Harry said he has got a monkey riding on me" claimed the Ivory Coast and ex- Chelsea player.
More 'at the end of the day'......