Written by MonkeyInTheBath
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Topics: Wimbledon

Sunday, 10 July 2011

image for Wimbledon shocker: Woman was a man
What a load of balls!

The world of tennis was rocked today when it was revealed that during the recent Wimbledon tournament a mixed doubles pair competed who were actually two men.

Johnny Allman and Sam Woman came fifth in the prestigious competition, and apparently managed to fool everyone watching into believing that Mr Woman was a woman. This is largely because of his long hair and the fact he wore a skirt. Mr Woman's full name is Samuel May B Woman, and owing to a freemasons' meeting he missed his appointment with the Wimbledon Player Sexer, who is meant to verify the gender of all participants.

Tennis fans are outraged. One fan said, "Tennis mixed doubles is meant to be between a man and a woman - and another man and another woman. It's traditional that way."

Religious groups are also upset. Reverend Simon Butt, who is Cliff Richard's personal priest and lover, explained that tennis was invented by God and its rules have been part of the Bible since the 3rd century. He said, "In St Paul's seventh letter to the Corinthians, concerning the regulations of lawn tennis, it clearly says: 'A man shall not play tennis mixed doubles with another man. That is an abomination. They should be playing in the men's doubles category.'"

However, equality obsessives were more supportive. A spokesman for EBFIN (Equality By Force If Necessary) said, "What harm have they done? They're just pointing out the basic discrimination inherent in the system. Why do we need men's doubles, women's doubles, and mixed doubles' tennis? Aren't we all the same? I can't think of one single difference between a man and a woman."

The Lawn Tennis Association are usually conservative in their outlook, and it is about as likely they will sanction non-mixed mixed doubles as it is that they allow gay marriages in Centre Court.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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