Written by Rebel Not Taken
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Thursday, 7 July 2011

image for Carlos Tevez 'comes out' and signs for Brighton and Hove Albion
Tevez' sandals on Brighton nude beach.

Carlos Tevez has come out of the closet and joined newly promoted Brighton and Hove Albion.

The 'Seagulls' have fancied Tevez for some time and have swooped with a cheeky bid to land the moody Argie.

Club spokesperson Sandy Bottom told excited fans that Brighton had "bent over backwards" to lure the swarthy Tevez down to the South Coast.

Tevez is expected to stiffen a squad that, according to West Ham manager 'Big' Sam Allardyce, is full of "nancy boys."

Brighton have tied up a "no strings attached" deal to rent Carlos by the hour and the manager plans to "bring on the Argie when the pitch gets a bit muddy and the wind whips in from the sea."

Julian Matelot, who writes for the local football magazine 'Stand Up If You Can't Sit Down', is over the moon about the move:
"OMG. Carlos is coming down to the seaside for dirty weekends."

Tevez, frustrated by the lack of theatres and vegetarian restaurants in Manchester, has been telling City manager Roberto Mancini that he was homesick and wanted to spend more time with his estranged wife and family on his ranch in Argentina.

But dapper boss Gus Poyet, who oozes Uruguayan charm, has been secretly talking up the bracing air of Brighton to his fellow South American and now Tevez has tweeted followers on Twitter telling them that he is: "blown away by the antique shops in The Lanes and the tea rooms in Hove."

The Argentinian has also been spotted in an "all night" cinema within mincing distance of Brighton's West Pier.

Tevez' agent Diego Dago has denied there has been an illegal approach from the 'Seagulls' to rent his player by the hour and has issued a statement claiming that "Carlos has always dreamed of playing for Brighton and Hove Albion."

More as it goes in..

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