Written by Skoob1999
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Topics: Boxing, David Haye

Saturday, 2 July 2011

image for Klitschko - "I'll Sit On David Haye!"
Klitschko Unveils Secret Weapon - Spring Loaded Boxing Glove.

Ahead of tonight's world heavyweight title fight in Hamburg's Imtech Arena, Wladimir Klitschko has been talking tactics, claiming that he intends to wrestle David Haye to the canvas and then sit on him for the duration of the 12 round contest.

Following on from all the pre fight hype, Klitschko concedes that he is wary of the Londoner's punching power, so it seems only obvious that he use his weight advantage to stifle his smaller, yet arguably more tenacious opponent.

"Wladimir will lean on Haye," a member of the Klitschko camp told reporters. "He is aware that Haye can punch, and knows that he must overcome that. We have told him to lean on Haye, and then when he gets the opportunity, to wrestle him down to the canvas, preferably on his front, and then sit on his head, or perhaps his shoulders. It won't be pretty, but it will win us the fight."

Haye's camp have lodged vigorous protests over the Klitschko tactic, stating that for a fighter to pin his opponent to the canvas and sit on his head or shoulders, rendering said opponent immobile, contravenes every rule in the book. Not to mention making the spectacle a non-event. Haye's cut man told reporters that nobody would part with good money to see one man sit on another man's head for 12 rounds.

"What do we care about rules?" Klitschko scoffed. "The fight is in Germany. We can get away with anything with these judges. Even if Haye knocks me out, he will probably be disqualified for something or other. Ha ha!"

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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