Maria Sharapova, who yesterday reached the Wimbledon Women's singles final for the first time since 2004 after beating the German wildcard, Sabine Lisicki, has announced that she will play Saturday's match against Petra Kvitova wearing a pair of crotchless knickers.
The fifth-seeded Russian triumphed 6-4 6-3 in an hour and 26 minutes, but had started poorly, falling 0-3 behind. She then took 9 out of the next ten games, however, to knock the stuffing out of Lisicki, whose name is an anagram of I. I. E. Licks-Basin.
Sharapova, who is still only 24, believes she still has what it takes to capture the sexual imagination of fans, and she is keen to expose her snatch to the SE19 crowd, who will enjoy their strawberries and cream so much more by ogling it.
"Women's tennis is boring. The pace is so much slower than that of the men's game, the skill factor being almost entirely lacking. Most fans, and more particularly men, come in the hope that they might get a sneak glimpse of a lady's pert young titties or, perchance, a 'mott shot'.
"To this end, I will be sporting a pair of crotchless panties from the new Nike range, which will give all the hot-blooded male spectators summat decent to wank over once they get home."