Written by Skoob1999
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Thursday, 23 June 2011

image for New Chelsea Boss Andre Villas-Boas Doomed To PL Failure
Villas-Boas - Just Passing Through

A group of leading sports psychologists are claiming that newly installed Chelsea boss, Andre Villas-Boas is doomed to Premier League failure, and that's before he even starts!

Villas-Boas, who moved to Stamford Bridge from Porto this week has already been talking up a quadruple in his first season, and attempting to win over the British sports media, but the sports psychologists argue that he doesn't stand a cat in hell's chance and that in all probability he'll be out on his ear by Christmas.

The logic behind these observations appears to stem from the fact that at the tender age of 33 - young for a Premier League boss - Villas-Boas won't be able to control a dressing room which holds players as old as he is, and that the wily old dogs in the Premiership, such as Sir Alex Ferguson, Arsene Wenger, Kenny Dalglish and Roberto Mancini will run rings around the novice, both tactically, and in the media.

"Villas-Boas will never be able to compete with those guys," one of the psychologists commented. "He's not bulletproof, like Mourinho, and he lacks the experience necessary to motivate and command respect among some of the senior players at Stamford Bridge. All this talk about winning four trophies is pure twaddle. He must have been smoking something pretty powerful, or drinking absinthe or something, for him to start gobbing off like this before he's even unpacked his suitcase."

Rumours that knife sharpening sounds have been heard in Manchester, North London, and on Merseyside have yet to be confirmed.

"Seems like this nipper's a bit naughty," Spurs boss Harry Redknapp remarked. "Not to worry. We'll stitch him up like a kipper."

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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