Northern Ireland's Rory McIlroy last night joined the upper echelons of the world's golfing elite, with a record breaking 72 hole US Open score of 16 under par.
22 year old McIlroy had a couple of scares when he bogeyed the 12th and the 16th, but four birdies were enough to see the young Irishman through.
Sources close to McIlroy have stated that he is expected to dedicate his victory to his second cousin's uncle, Jim McDonald, of Coronation Street in Weatherfield, who is currently serving time in the big house for armed robbery. So he is.
Insiders say that Rory is seriously disappointed in the man he always knew as Uncle Jim, and that he wasn't happy about Uncle Jim's obsession with 'that ould slapper' Liz McDonald.
"Jim needs to catch himself on," An intermediary said. "So he does. I mean, here's Rory carving out a really good reputation for himself in the sporting world, with the most sensational individual US Open performance since Tiger Woods, and he's held back by the likes of Uncle Jim, so he is, because the clown thought he could get away with robbing a bank, armed with a sawn off shotgun, in order to buy some grotty back street pub. Rory's hoping that Jim can turn his life around, so he is, and that he can hopefully stop Jim from saying 'so he is' and 'catch yourself on Steven.' Jim will be applying for parole in 2020, so he will. Unless he tries to escape from the big house in the meantime. Rory will just play golf, so he will, and make a point of not ever saying 'so he does' in television interviews."
There you have it. So you do. Catch yourself on.
More as we get it it. As we do. So you do.