Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 19 June 2011

image for A Group of Wealthy Ohio Businessmen Want To Purchase The Miami Heat and Move The Team To Tegucigalpa, Honduras
More than 90 percent of Honduras is considered jungle land where the temperatures can hit 108 in the summer.

CLEVELAND - Businessman Leander W. Gollyheimer, who heads a group of investment brokers in Ohio says that his attorneys are negotiating to buy the Miami Heat of the NBA.

The Heat lost to the Dallas Mavericks in the NBA Finals four games to two.

Mr. Gollyheimer says that his group known as Rich Ohio Businessmen or ROB for short have been talking about purchasing the Heat since back in April.

Gollyheimer spoke with Sport Territory's Atwood "Overtime" McSparrow and he said that he has been a Cleveland Cavaliers season ticket holder ever since the NBA expansion team was first formed back in 1970.

He did say that he like most Cleveland fans was extremely upset with the way that LeBron disrespected the team, its coaches, its owners, and of course its fans by just simply leaving and signing with the Heat and not saying a word to anyone.

Gollyheimer said that LeBron or King LeBron as he was known clearly showed that a more appropriate moniker would have been Court Jester James.

Many Cavalier fans were not as kind as they called James everything from a no good (blankety blank) to a low-life (blankety blank blank) to a piece of rotten (blankety blank blank blank).

One die hard Cavs fan, identified as LuMeena Chantelle Jackson, 24, said that she had to go to the tattoo parlor and get 16 LeBron James tattoos removed at a cost of $493.17.

She said that the Lebron Is King tattoo she had put on her left tonsil hurt like a mofoing sumbitch when it was scraped off.

McSparrow asked her why she did not have it lasered off and she replied that she was told that being lasered could render her sterile and she may want to have more than the nine little ones she has already.

McSparrow told her that lasering would only have made her sterile if the tattoo was located on her biscuit. Miss Jackson looked at him and simply said "Ah ha, and Santa Claus and his woman be a black couple too I spose huh?

Mr. Gollyheimer says that when his group purchases the Heat they will immediately make plans to move everything lock, stock, and basketballs down to Tegucigalpa, Honduras, where the team will play at The Jose & Josefina Tortilla Stadium.

Gollyheimer says that the name The Tegucigalpa Heat will be the most appropriate name in the entire NBA.

McSparrow asked him if The Jose & Josefina Tortilla Stadium wasn't an outside basketball court where the temperatures can reach up around 108 degrees in the shade. Gollyheimer smiled from ear-to-ear and replied, "You got that right Sherlock."

In other news. Piers Morgan reported that Queen Elizabeth will not be appearing on his show after all. He said it appears that she has a real bad case of athlete's foot and her doctor has advised her not to wander too far from Buckingham Palace.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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