COLUMBUS, Ohio - Governor John "Happy Guy" Kasich is so thrilled at the fact that the Dallas Mavericks defeated the Miami Heat to capture the NBA Finals Championship Trophy that he has given each of the Dallas Mavericks players a brand new 2011 Toyota Tacoma Truck.
The Ohio governor also issued a proclamation designating the Dallas players, dubbed the Mavaliers, as honorary citizens of Ohio.
And with that honor comes the distinction of being able to vote in Ohio elections, receiving 20 percent off of movie theater tickets, and taking a free tour aboard The Lake Erie Enchanted Empress Cruise Ship out of Cleveland.
Cleveland Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert invited the entire Dallas Mavericks team to his mansion for a good old-fashioned Texas style barbecue featuring barbecued baby back ribs, fajitas, grilled chicken, armadillo tender kabobs, and a dozen scantily-clad Hooters girls.
And a group of extremely wealthy Cleveland Cavalier fans calling themselves Cavs for Mavs presented each player with a $10,000 Rolex watch.
As Atwood McSparrow of Sports Territory stated there has never been a city who has hated one of their ex-players more than Cleveland hates LeBron James.
In fact The Cleveland Morning Gazette ran a story that of the 129 couples who had named their babies, LeBron, after the former Cavs super star, 127 have filed a request with the Cleveland Department of Children's Names to have the name changed.
One lifelong Cleveland resident, and long time Cleveland Cavaliers season ticket holder, Hernando Wassenwafer, 43, said that around Cleveland and Ohio LeBron James, who disrespected Cleveland by the underhanded way he left, is more hated than Adolf Hitler, Emperor Hirohito, Benito Mussolini, Bernie Madoff, and even Naomi Campbell.
Meanwhile Dirk Nowitzi and the rest of the Dallas Maverick players are thrilled to call Ohio their second adopted home state.
Even Mark Cuban has been revered by all Ohioans and there is talk that a billionaire Cleveland realtor, who requested anonymity is getting ready to hand him over the keys to a $5.7 million dollar luxuriously exquisite mansion on the banks of Lake Erie.
In a related story. LeBron James is reportedly in hiding down in the iguana-infested jungles of Mexico's Yucatan Peninsula.