After failing to sign Cristiano Ronaldo for a reported $150 million, Manchester City has turned their attention to Brazil and has signed an entire Sao Paulo favela.
City spokesmen, Dirk Ferrara said: "We're absolutely delighted with this acquisition. We get an entire Brazilian slum and for only a fraction of the price of Ronaldo. Plus, we get none of the petulance and vanity of Ronaldo."
City manager, Roberto Mancini is delighted by the new depth in his squad.
"This is magnificent for football. For years we have been wasting vast sums of money on football players inflated pay packets and egos, when what we could have been doing is putting money back into communities that need it. For certain the women, elderly, children and diseased will probably only play in the Carling Cup, or against West Brom, but can you imagine the number of potential Pele's, Dunga's and Ronaldinho's we might unearth."
Favela resident and local drug baron, Raldo Biebo echoed Mancini's sentiment from the living room of his shack:
"Finally, my dream of playing professional football can be realised. I thought that after paramilitary death squads shot my leg off that I'd never play again, but now I'll be competing with Mario Balotelli and Edin Dzeko for a place in the starting line-up. Truly God works in mysterious ways."
Bookmakers already have Raldo Biebo at better odds of scoring more goals next season than Torres, Carroll and Dzeko combined.