Written by Ellis Ian Fields

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Wednesday, 15 June 2011

image for Alan Shearer Will Not Take Reins At Cardiff

Talks between Alan Shearer and Cardiff City have proved 'unsuccessful' and the Geordie favourite will not manage the nPower Championship club.

The former Newcastle boss said: "I can confirm that I was one of the candidates that the club spoke to about the vacant position. I was most impressed with the vision, ambition and determination of the owner Dato Chan Tien Ghee and the board.

"Unfortunately, these talks were unsuccessful."

A source close to the club revealed that the sticking point was in fact the talks themselves.

"I'll say the 'talks were unsuccessful!' No-one could understand what anyone else was saying!

"The chairman was all heavily Malaysian-accented broken English, while the Taffs on the board were all 'Iechyd da, boyo, isn't it?'

"Meanwhile, Shearer's Geordie twang was completely baffling to the chairman and his Welsh board. You can't expect to get anywhere down here by coming in with "Wye-aye bonnie lads. Ah divven expect to be doon 'ere - bu' let's be gannin' doon ta bizniz, eh?'

"It was never going to work."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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