Written by Skoob1999
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Monday, 13 June 2011

image for Harry Redknapp In The Hunt For Scott Parker And Jack Rodwell
Some Proper Athlete Grub Wiv Protein An That Innit

It seems that Scott Parker - West Ham's player of the season - is determined to hold out for a move to join Harry Redknapp's free spending moneybags, Tottenham Hotspur.

Redknapp is also in the hunt for Everton's Jack Rodwell, although he faces tough opposition from Chelsea and Manchester United. The Spurs boss is tremendously upbeat about the coming season, and remains convinced that Spurs will be right up there in the title race, alongside the heavy hitters.

Harry is adamant that for any footballer with trophy winning aspirations, White Hart Lane is going to be the centre of gravity of the footballing universe. It seems like the game's centre of gravity is inexorably shifting from the north-west power bases of Manchester and Liverpool, and from the toffs down the King's Road.

Scott Parker is an obvious recruit to the Spurs regime, having been schooled at the West Ham academy of jellied eels, pie, mash and liquor, and Brick Lane bagels and vegetable samosas. He'll fit right in up the rub-a-dubs up Tottenham High Road and Seven Sisters, and if reports are to be believed, he's also a bit of a kebab connoisseur, so he'll be quids in up the Lane.

Jack Rodwell is another thing, but Happy Harry is determined to lure the Everton hit man to the capital.

"The lad shouldn't be much of a problem," Redknapp told Skoob Sports News. "We'll soon wean him off the black pudd'n and the pie and peas. Get the lad on a proper Cockernee diet, topped up wiv a few pints o' lukewarm Youngs's east end ale, and the odd drop o' gin. I reckon when young Jack the lad finds out we've got loads of Angus Steak Houses and Beefeaters in the capital, he won't be able to resist it. I suppose Chelski could say the same really, but it's all a bit hoity-toity dahn there. White wine spritzers and nouvelle cuisine and all that crap. That's no good for a young athlete. The lad's gonna need somefink wot puts a bit o' meat on his bleedin' bones innit."

More Cockney culinary transfer malarkey as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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