Written by Skoob1999
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Friday, 10 June 2011

image for Sebastian Vettel Was Asleep At The Wheel In Canadian F1 Practice Crash
Aaaarrrgh! I Must Have Dozed Off!

Montreal, Canada - Reigning F1 champion, Sebastian Vettel was allegedly asleep at the wheel today when he crashed his Red Bull racing car into the wall at the Circuit Gilles Villeneuve during practice.

The crash happened at The Wall Of Champions when Vettel appeared to misjudge a chicane, before slamming the right side of the car into the wall, breaking off the front spoiler and completely knackering the right front wheel/axle assembly.

The Canadian GP circuit is notorious for its long straights followed by sharp bends and chicanes, with the Wall Of Champions notorious for its dusty surface, which can cause the wheels to lose traction.

But officials insisted that the German champion didn't have problems with the chicane - he crashed because he had dozed off at the wheel.

Footage of the accident appeared to bear out that Vettel had probably dozed off, because he wasn't really travelling very fast by F1 standards.

A source told us that he had probably nodded off during practice because last night he had stayed up really late watching a limited edition DVD of 'The Vampire Diaries Meet Twilight - The Director's Cut', which was a gift from personal friend, Robert Pattinson, and which is not yet publicly available.

Another source related:

"When you get Robert Pattinson show up at your hotel room, in person, with a rough cut of an unreleased movie directed by Steven Spielberg, and also starring Kristen Stewart, Nina Dobrev, Ian Somerhalder, Pippa Middleton, Anthony Weiner, Ryan Giggs, Ron Jeremy, Selena Gomez, Miley Cyrus, Nicole Sherzinger and Simon Cowell's dentist, you sit up and watch the Goddammned movie. No matter how long it takes. That's why Vettel was shagged out and dog tired."

Sebastian Vettel was unavailable for comment, as he was having a nap. Nico Rosberg returned the fastest practice time. The Red Bull team are frantically working overnight to repair the car, and will probably take advantage of the down time opportunity to install an alarm clock in the car, in case Robert Pattinson shows up again tonight.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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