Written by Court Jester
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Friday, 10 June 2011

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The world of tennis has seen a breakthrough on the scale of NASA's landing on the moon and as noteworthy as the discovery of the double helix structure of DNA. Mats Wilander, most recently seen working for Eurosport at the French Open, announced the startling discovery during an on air stint of commentary.

The former Swedish grand slam winner revealed: "In tennis it's a good shot if it goes over the net and in."

Shortly after Tim Henman was seen throwing himself off a bridge into the river Seine.

Reports later surfaced that an academy set up by the one-time British tennis sensation had overlooked the concept of stroke making that resulted in the ball going over the net and in. The academy in question, Henman Downhill, is likely to be sold to a Baltic state in order for the state of the art equipment to finally be utilised appropriately. In the five years since opening Henman Downhill attendees have been focusing on developing their tying their laces technique.

Mats Wilander's agent has been inundated with offers for his client to write a coaching manual that has the potential to be used worldwide. As investors and entrepreneurs flocked to the Eurosport studio at Roland Garros, Wilander himself provided an interview to unravel the inner thinking of his revelation.

"I have always been allowed to speak my mind and my life has worked out very well. I once told Adrian Chiles he is a fucking idiot. I believe since then the majority of the UK has come around to this way of thinking." Wilander then took a break to eat a cheese sandwich before storming out of the studio as pictures of Henman's bloated figure being rushed to hospital began circulating on the television screens dotted around the walls.

We managed to catch up with Wilander one last time on the balcony overlooking the compound where he three times won the men's singles title. We asked if he could explain how far his new idea could take the professional game, he replied: "at least as far as Greenwich."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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