The incredibly fast Jamaican sprinter and three-time World and Olympic gold medalist Usain Bolt has accepted a contract to play for Manchester City Football Club.
Club manager Roberto Mancini said that the best way to beat Manchester United and get some silverware in the trophy cabinet was pure speed.
Club directors agreed that while Usain my not be the best footballer in the world, they reckoned that being able to tear up the pitch at 46mph would make him virtually unstoppable by the opposition.
Mr Mancini said "there is no doubt Usain can run faster than Wayne Rooney can think, although in fairness, he could probably walk faster than Wayne Rooney can think. Actually, now I come to think about it, even if he was to push himself up the pitch in a wheelchair, he'd still be quicker than Wayne Rooney can think."
Manchester United's Sir Alex Chewingum said something in reply that no one could understand between his deep Scotch accent and bloody chewing.
Mr Mancini added "Right, my uncle Henry is conducting the Hallé Orchestra tonight playing the best of Spinal Tap, so I must be off."