Written by Rebel Not Taken
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Thursday, 9 June 2011

image for Bernie Ecclestone swops Andy Warhol for Albert Steptoe
"give me 20 quid for it"

'Mini' celebrity Bernie Ecclestone has done a deal with the BBC to star in the remake of Steptoe and Son.

Bernie, who is 80 and weighs in at 5'2", knocked back another lucrative offer to portray dead lookalike artist Andy Warhol. Instead, he will step into the old boots of even bigger lookalike Albert Steptoe.

"I've got loads of Warhols in my house in Chelsea," he explained. "I always dreamed of owning a scrap yard in Shepherd's Bush."

Self made Billionaire Ecclestone, who owns Formula 1 and QPR, claims the rag and bone man is a good role model: "The miserable old git never wasted a penny."

Bernie's long standing business partner, Italian playboy Flavio Briatore, is to play Albert's wantaway son Harold.

Flavio, who is famous for wearing Benetton clothes and shagging Naomi Campbell, is a big fan of Steptoe and Son: "My favourite scene was when Harold pulled a scrubber in The Skinners Arms and took her back to the yard in Oil Drum Lane to get his leg over."

In the remake of the comedy classic, Bernie and Flavio will swap their collection of vintage racing cars, yachts and supermodel wives for a clapped out horse and a filthy slum near Wormwood Scrubs.

Self made ex grease monkey Bernie has never been impressed with the trappings of wealth.
And Flavio's natural tan comes from working outdoors in all weathers.

In a trailer for the first episode, Albert is seen crawling on the floor looking for his false teeth and grumbling about "the bloody wogs in Bahrain".

Then Harold returns to the yard after a hard day "flogging my nuts off at QPR" and calls his father a "dirty old man".

In another episode, Albert is seen dusting the skeleton whilst Harold puts on a cravat and dreams about going to Monaco to "snog classy birds".

The old man pulls a repulsive face and snarls: "Get back out on that horse and cart and earn some money you lazy little git."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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