Written by Rebel Not Taken
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Monday, 6 June 2011

image for Hair transplant rejects Wayne Rooney
Wayne Rooney hair doubles.

Manchester United and England slaphead Wayne Rooney has sustained a freak injury.

The footballer will be out of action for several weeks after being rejected by his hair transplant. Rooney is reported to have spent several thousand pounds at a Harley Street clinic in a vain attempt to "keep his hair on".

The balding Rooney seemed in rude health after the treatment and had been tweeting his fans on social networking sites: "#Wayne Rooney ..my head is bruised still. I promise u all I will send a pic on Monday morning when the bruising goes. #hairwego"

Jokes about the state of Wayne's pate have sprouted on Twitter: "#scousegit ringo scally: Wayne Rooney's bonce looks like a Baboon's arse so I am donating some of my pubes for his hair implants".

But rumours are circulating that the flowing locks from the coconut used in the operation have not bonded with Rooney's spud like skull.

A previous experiment using the hair of an Orangutang had also failed to "hit the net". But Rooney's "loss" could be England's gain.

Sir Alex Ferguson was concerned that the transplant, if succesful, might have diminished Wayne's heading ability.

But well thatched boss Fabio Capello is keen for the operation on Rooney's head to work: "Wayne Rooney needs more flair and movement in the hair areas of his game".

Rooney's new sponsors Mr Sheen are "concerned" about the situation but their fears seem to be receding.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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