King Kenny Dalglish is all set to rock the football world to its foundations with a shock double transfer swoop, with the focus on Tottenham, and bitter rivals Manchester United.
King Kenny has apparently authorised club officials to enter into negotiations with Dimitar Berbatov's agent, in an attempt to pry the unsettled Bulgarian away from Old Trafford.
Berbatov is known to have been "gutted" by his humiliating exclusion from United's Champions League final squad, and although he has publicly insisted that his future lies at United, Anfield officials feel that there's a good chance they will be able to lure him away.
Dalglish appears to be of the opinion that Berbatov will provide the perfect foil for striker Andy Carroll.
The Anfield outfit are also said to be keen on landing Tottenham's Croatian midfielder, Luka Modric, who they see as a prime target as he will inevitably become surplus to requirements at White Hart Lane, following Harry Redknapp's much publicised yet fictitious forays into the transfer market.
"They'll no have room for Modric at the Lane," Dalglish commented. "Harry will struggle to offer him first team football now that he's signed Sneijder, Fabregas and Iniesta. That's where we come intae the equation - we'll be able tae offer the lad more than a place on the bench, or up in the stands."
An independent reporter from the Daily Mail told Skoob Sports News:
"It sounds like a load of absolute bollocks to me."
Which indeed it does. To us too. You really could make it up.
More as we get it.