West Ham have terminated the contract of manager Sam Allardyce with immediate effect.
East End owner David Sullivan claims to have been led down the garden path by Big Sam and told reporters:
"We found out on Twitter that he is a dirty Northern Bastard".
Co owner David Gold claims Allardyce failed to reveal his northern background during the interview:
"He has tucked us up proper. We thought he was as cultured as us".
Karen Brady, who is on holiday in The Maldives, is relieved that the board have acted swiftly:
"Allardyce's failure to disclose his interests in breeding pigeons and eating mushy peas has given us no choice".
Lifelong Hammer fan and Twitter user Ed Butt blames the influx of foreigners for ruining his club:
"#onmeheadson ed butt..
Zola was a wop. Avram was a four by two. Allardyce keeps ferrets. End of".