Sepp Blatter's Dodgy past has tonight been sensationally revealed after 6 decades of absolute secrecy. The secrecy was necessary because Sepp believed that if the truth about his secret past was revealed, it would undermine his reputation in the world of Football.
But Sepp's best friend Arturo thinks the secrecy was unnecessary, because the history that Sepp tried to cover up is quite special. He thinks that if the world knew the truth about Sepp, they would forget all about his dodgy dealings at FIFA and see him in an entirely new Dodgy light.
Arturo first met Sepp in an extremely Dodgy place. That place was the International Dodgy Ball Arena in Zurich. The two friends trained there together for at least 6 months before they won the Dodgy Ball World Cup for Switzerland in 1952.
Sepp then went on to Captain his team to victory in four further Dodgy Ball World Cups. That's how Dodgy Sepp Blatter was. In fact, he was so Dodgy he took the world by storm and he became a National hero and every Swiss child wanted to be like him.
In the past, Switzerland had only ever been known for dodgy Banking but Arturo believes that Sepp changed all that, and for 5 whole years Switzerland was known as the Dodgy Ball Capital of the Universe.
Then, very slowly, as the years went on, Dodgy Ball fell out of fashion in Switzerland, and everyone forgot about their heroes of 1952. Sepp was so saddened by this lack of respect that he defected to another sport altogether. That sport was Football.
Former team mates have come forward to say how saddened they all were when Sepp Blatter transferred his loyalties to another game, because after that he never spoke of his triumphant Dodgy Ball achievements ever again.
Every time someone approached Sepp and asked about his illustrious Dodgy Ball past he has always replied. "I think you have the wrong man. I have never been involved in anything Dodgy. I don't do Dodgy dealings".
He has also denied other dodgy deals. He says he never managed the Indie music band Dodgy in the 1990s, and he says he has never before encountered a biscuit called the Jammie Dodger.
Arturo was sad to hear this, but he is rumoured to have said. "To me, Sepp will always be the King of Dodgy Ball. In fact he's more than that, because he's done a lot for football, too. He deserves his place in history as the King of all Dodgy Ball games everywhere. Long live the President of FIFA."
By Katarina Frogpond.