Written by Skoob1999
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Tuesday, 31 May 2011

image for Carlos Tevez Threatens to Eat Four Cucumbers and a Tomato if Manchester City Don't Shape Up
Two Tomatoes, Some Fish, And A Load Of Horse Shit

Argentinian mercenary Manchester City footballer, Carlos Tevez, has threatened to eat four cucumbers and a tomato if Sheikh Mansour doesn't shape up and increase his wages by a staggering 250%

It is thought that Tevez's agent believes that his client is currently the hottest property in the game, and should be remunerated as such, otherwise he will eat the cucumbers and the tomato, and move to whichever club desires to sign him.

Real Madrid boss Jose Mourinho is apparently unimpressed by Tevez's posturing. The Special One told Skoob Sports News:

"If he thinks he's coming here and cupping his lug holes in his hands as he milks the applause from the fans, and has a go at me, he's got another think coming. And when I go back to Chelsea, I won't be signing him there either. Bloke's a mercenary if you ask me. And he's not even Portuguese."

Undeterred, Tevez has promised to eat the potentially lethal, potentially E.coli ridden salad vegetables in Piccadilly Gardens in Manchester, and post it on You Tube for posterity.

"I am aware," he said. "That this move could be seen in some circles as playing Rumanian roulette with a loaded bow and arrow, or something. But if City want me to stay, they'll either have to up the ante, or arrange for direct flights between Manchester and Buenos Aries. Have you got any idea how much it costs these days for me to go home to enjoy a dirty weekend - I mean visit my family - away from the prying eyes of the paparazzi? It doesn't come cheap mate. I can tell you."

In other news, incoming reports suggest that Steven Gerrard has turned down a move to Tranmere Rovers.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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