Written by P.M. Wortham
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Tuesday, 31 May 2011

image for Jim Tressel Opens Ohio State University Sportswear and Memorabilia Store
Game balls, Signed by OSU players, only $1,500

Following Tressel's resignation as head coach of The Ohio State University football program, he has announced the grand opening of a sportswear and OSU memorabilia store in Columbus.

Selling everything from replica Ohio State jerseys and college logo sportswear to actual game worn jerseys and other player equipment, Tressel's Locker Room will occupy the retail space of the former Smallgreen's Drug Store, a block down from Ohio Stadium.

"We'll have signed OSU player jerseys, pants, pads, shoes, socks, helmets, gloves, wristbands, bandanas, jock straps even championship rings", says new store manager Buster Knuckles. "Never mind that some of that used to be university property. It's all good".

Good for Tressel and the players, according to some alumni and Tressel supporters. "So the players made a few bucks on the side by selling a jersey. Whatever", says 1991 OSU grad, Taylor Henson. "Now that Tressel's out of a job, he'll need to make a living too. Why not combine those two cottage industries?"

Not knowing how to answer questions about what might be interpreted by the NCAA as another rules violation, Knuckles turned the interview into a marketing opportunity. "And remember. At Tressel's Locker Room, all player equipment is certified game worn. Smell the jocks for yourselves". Indeed.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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