Carrot top Paul Scholes has finally called it quits and announced his long awaited retirement as a professional footballer.
Starting his career at Manchester United in 1994, he has played at the top level in 676 games.
Alex Ferguson said over the mighty midfielder: "Old Fanta pants Scholesy has just been outstanding whilst being at United, he has given total commitment and done everything we asked of him. He has been one of the clubs best ever players and that why we want to reward him and offer him a job on our COACHing staff, which he has jumped at it!".
Ted Davis, head of the COACHing staff said: "We are very pleased to have copper crouch Scholes on board, with his class and style I'm sure he'll be a true asset to all the bus driving team. He loves coaches and he was always the 1st on the team bus, would sit on the front seat and sing 'wheels on the bus go round and round' until we got to the game!"
Tomatoe barnet Scholes said of the new position: "I'm so thrilled, I only need to pass my heavy vehicle license and get a driver's cap and I'm set!"