Doha - Shifty shaikhs feted by the Queen have denied FIFA bungs got them the World Cup.
"We'd never dream of doshing up football's governing body," the head of Qatar Photocall - er...Protocol! - said today.
"We just followed trusty diplomatic procedures - like paying for the royal wedding - and left the rest up to the Queen."
The Qatar state visit to Windsor Castle last year was probably where the plot was hatched.
A stealthy three-pronged PR campaign then saw Tony Blair's sons - Prince William, David Cameron and sibling David Beckham - spearhead the Brits' kamikaze bid.
"Of course the England 2022 campaign flopped," a tarot reader for Qatari ruler's wife Shaikha Mossad commented.
"Wanna see a pic of that gold-digger Middleton girl's DNA printout?"