Wembley - Traces of a karmic impotence whoremoan may have done for Man U a postmortem on Saturday night's game has found.
Random testing of players found depleted dopamine levels before the match consistent with 'getting an earful from the Missus'.
Subsequent biochemical analysis also found a 'damned good ticking off' may have spilled over to a team-wide brain/pity-u-itary/testicular and thighroid (sic) function flop associated with manhood deficiency.
"It's a classic congential nightmare," the club's medical director said today, "affecting ball games everywhere.
"Think Tiger Woods in the divorce run-up. Wanna see a pic of Elin Nordegren's No 1 iron?"
Meanwhile at Man U WAGs HQ all the talk is of Alex Ferguson's snub of £32million signing Dimitar Berbatov, left on the sidelines throughout last night's final.
"That's why the match was hexed," one 36DD-24-34 wannabe Premiership shagger commented.
"Got nothing to do with bloody karma."